We the people of Pakistan (actually the government of Pakistan acting purportedly on behalf of the people of Pakistan… you get the drift) have decided to rename Pakistan to Obamastan for the following reasons:
1. After the assassination of Osama bin Laden, and the abuse of our sovereign air space (whatever that means).
2. If two US Navy Seals helicopters can land right next to our military base in Abbottabad, carry out an assassination mission, cart of tonnes of stuff, escape safely without incident, we no longer lay claim to the word “sovereign”.
3. Since we already have a history of sucking up to colonial masters, this is easy. Abbottabad is named after a Briton Major James Abbott who established the tongue twisting town and bred “native infantry”, the Ghurka’s, for the consumption of western-generated wars.
4. We could have renamed Pakistan to Abottstan in light of the above, but the British don’t scare us as much no more. Besides we have named a whole district after him.
5. We eagerly await the arrival of John Kerry to hug us and pat our backs, even though we know he’s coming to demand the return of one of the helicopters that was downed during the operation. The US has lost more than fifty choppers in nearby Iraq. Please note he will not use the hated US Navy Seals Helicopter model. His will come with peace logos and flowery deco to appease our Mullahs.
6. We congratulate the Navy Seals for finally succeeding after fiascos like the Iran hostage crisis in 1980 and the 1993 Mogadishu Black Hawk Down doozy.
7. In honour of Obama who has wreaked havoc on our fellow countrymen, women and children in the hills by stepped up drone attacks (more than Bush’s actually) and hence won the respect/fear we once attached to our former British colonial masters.
8. To further reassure the Americans of our unreserved loyalty, we wish to state that most Pakistanis, sorry – Obamistanis believe the British Prime Minister David Cameron and James Cameron of “Avatar” movie fame, are one and the same. Besides, James Cameron did a much better job of scaring us with the blue aliens than David ever will with clipped speaking.
9. We shall continue to cooperate with the US on the so called war on terror while making sure we frown and sputter protesting sounds to our people, as long as the $1.6 billion aid continues to line our personal, er, government accounts.
10. The Pakistani Intelligence Agency or ISI, will naturally be renamed appropriately to OSI, to be pronounced “Ozzie”. Please note; we do not care what the Australians think about this.
11. We will take this opportunity to correct a misconception; burial at sea is not an Islamic injunction. We are also aware of the parallels that will be drawn with our letting a murderer go, in the incident with the CIA operative Raymond Davis.
12. We will like to emphasize No. 11 was a requirement by some of the more radical members of our cabinet. So do not be disquieted by it.
Long live Obama(stan)! Brackets are Prime Minister Gillani’s.
Correct Address:
Name of Sovereign Nation: Obamastan
Addressing its Citizens: Obamistani
Wikipedia, Wikileaks et al please note.
